George Bizets opera, ‘CARMEN’, parodies well the fickle sided nature of love. Initial, short-term, infatuation turns to boredom. Mutual, shallow, surface passion turns to deeper, blinding, obsessive possession. Artificial respect turns to craziness. Nobody wins. Everybody gets hurt. The reality is that love itself isn’t skittish or unstable. People, with their behaviours and use, or over use, of that word are. (And by the way, the previous Sydney Opera production on the water was an amazing entertainment experience.)
Real love is unconditional. There is no opposite to real, unconditional love. It exists as is. Always. If there’s an emotional opposite to your love then whatever you’re feeling is more likely rooted in selfishness, ego or fear driven behaviours.
Here’s some clues that the ‘love’ you’re feeling isn’t unconditional:
- Indifference, truly not giving a damn, the true opposite to love
- Hate, anger or something like
- Feeling the need to teach someone a lesson
- Endeavouring to control or change another person
- To desire that someone constantly fulfil your expectations
- Judgement of the other, projection of previous experiences onto another
- To have your mood or happiness dependant or determined by the actions of another
- Attachment, needing, another
- Flightiness or flakiness
- Falling into communication patterns of demands, ultimatums, stalking, trolling, silent treatment or ghosting
All of these are the polarity, opposite of, far from unconditional love. All are clues that perhaps we can work on our own emotional intelligence and the healthiest form of love; self-love, comfortable contentment and calmness.
The failings we may see in others can often be a hole within the connection to the true nature of our soul. If, in honest self reflection, you recognise any of the above patterns playing out in your world then perhaps the desire you seek is better turned inwardly to focus on mastering calmness and a deeper sense of self.
Any of the above list is an indicator that the other person or situation is merely a temporary transition that may give an artificial sense of personal fulfilment. Yet it won’t be sustainable.
As Eckhart Tolle would say ‘ For a short time it almost does feel like salvation but there comes a point where the behaviour fails to meet your needs or the demands of the ego.’
And love of great sex isn’t complete. Love of great sex, love of the aesthetics, surface, can almost be like an addiction. See it for what it is. A great f**k may be valid as a base desire for the physical aspect of love only. And, sometimes, it’s not even that.
Physical attraction can almost easily be like any other addiction. When you’re hiding from the deepest callings of your soul, and when the drug, great sex, is available, you may feel temporarily on a high. Yet there comes a time when the drug no longer works or the addiction becomes destructive.
Where complete love exists, mental & emotional connections are accentuated through passion and the additional connection of physical to form a powerful trilogy. As Paolo Coelho says ‘Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows, that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn’t sex, but the person with which it is practised. When the passion is intense then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principle aim.’
And love underpins success in all our communications and relationships, personal and professional.
Here are some clues that the ‘love’ you’re feeling is healthier:
- Even when the other person is no longer present, the love and respect remains
- Emotional triggers and responses are recognised, balanced, worked on by self, without having to be reactively played out
- Explaining clearly when something has impacted upon you
- Accepting the other person or situation as is, which doesn’t mean condoning it
- To reduce expectations on another, to have no ultimatums required
- To keep a balanced temperament and disposition, not making ones happiness be dependant of or determined by the actions of another
- To be present, to follow through with promises and commitments, to respect the time and love of another
- Realising another’s presence enhances experiences in life yet personal happiness or fulfilment doesn’t ‘need’ it and are also not dependant upon it
- Communicating openly, candidly, realising that quality communication underpins the basis of all relationships
Love (self, others and broader environment & community) was the culmination chapter in book 1 of higher arcana tools for personal development, ‘Ignite Your Potential’. Some of the online modules are in the complimentary catalogue in the online academy, which is now live. Twenty years of global experience built to help individuals grow, harness skills and continually develop both personally and professionally. And because I’m not a fan of the aggressive nature of online platforms (giving tasters in exchange for capture payment details which automatically kick in or sending rapid fire of emails selling) I’ve designed a continually available profile to get seasonally rotating taster content from the primary subscription catalogues of the academy. Then, when you’re comfortable, you can elect the relevant academies for your personal growth.
Love was a culminating chapter of the first book in this behavioural science trilogy.
The book is available within the store here in print version, e-book version and audio book version.
I’m expanding upon these tools in book 2, ‘Evolve Your Animal’, with a deeper dive focus specifically into improving Emotional Intelligence and improving holistic communication skills.
‘Evolve’, is in draft and the creative concept arts to bring it to life are coming along nicely. The tools within this trilogy, as with all content within my online academy, are designed as simple, practical tools to help individuals grow. Improving skills that will positively impact all their relationships and situations; personal development, leadership development and professional development.
‘If you want to know love you must allow the armour of fear be stripped from you, piece by piece, until you are naked before the world.’ Teal Scott
Like I said. Love isn’t fickle. People, perhaps hiding behind masks or fears, are.